What I FEAR the most in my Life

    • 1780 posts
    September 16, 2011 9:24 AM PDT
    I know most of us Fear something in our life.......this is my FEAR, and it's like a monkey on my back always FU*&ing with me!

    What I fear the most in my life……
    I don’t know why I feel the urge to write this, it’s not like I’m about to die…..or am I. I mean who knows when the time will come, unless you plan to help it along some, which I don’t. What I fear most in my life before it’s over is that I never made my mark in life, or never had anything important to say that may have changed one’s life for the better. I’m not looking to be a Hero, not at all, but I would just like to have been known as a leader of men, with an outside the box kind of way of doing things. Every day I go to work in my uniform, I try my best to protect the ones that count on me, and I fear I may let them down when or if the time comes. This is what I fear the most in my life, that I will not be up for the task at hand to save a life, or take a life if need be. I can’t talk to my wife about this kind of emotional men’s stuff; all I get is the roll around of the eyes. I try every day to envision different types of situations, and I play them out in my mind, every way possible for them to turn out.
    Do I have what it takes to save someone from a person that is hell bent on killing this person I’m there to protect? This haunts me every day I go to work. Will I choke, or will it turn out just like I’ve envisioned time and time again in my mind????? I and my person I’m protecting come out on top. How can I be sure it will turn out the way I want it to? In this game you may only get one chance to win! I train and, I shoot as much as possible, and I do well at both, but when the time comes…….will I prevail to save the moment???? Will I be haunted forever for a lost life that I could or should have saved?? What if I'm in a hostage sitution, and I have someone with a gun to a persons head (where I work this is not that far fetched) and I decide to shoot and kill the Hostage. I could never live that down, the hauntings would never go away.
    There is no way to know this for sure I guess. I can only ask the Lord to guide me and ensure that I don’t screw up. If I believe in the Lord (which I do) will he come through for me?
    Guess I need some of the widson of the family again. You guys are the best family ever, and I listen to what you have to say.
     
    Dragon
    • 2072 posts
    September 16, 2011 9:36 AM PDT
    Kenny,
    After getting to know you (If even only on line) over the past several months I think I can honestly say you will be there. You have a unique passion for what is right and what is wrong and I don't think your inner spirit will let you down. With that said, we never REALLY know how we will handle a difficult situation until that time arrives. I spent time in law enforcement in my younger days. I remember a comment one of my instructors said during my police academy days....... We can teach you all the legal crap you need to be a cop..... we can teach you how to shoot a gun and take a perp down, we can even teach you to drive a car better than a NASCAR driver..... However, you won't learn how to be a good policeman until you hit the streets. Experience will guide you and your instincts will protect you.
    • 5420 posts
    September 16, 2011 9:51 AM PDT
    First of all Kenny, I think your are really selling yourself short with the phrase "What I fear most in my life before it’s over is that I never made my mark in life, or never had anything important to say that may have changed one’s life for the better".

    Even though I have never met you in person (and I do really look forward to that opportunity), I feel I have come to know you pretty well. And what I see is a person who would be there for anyone in a time of need, whether you knew them or not. I don't mean just to protect them, but to provide advice, a helping hand, or even a good whack upside the head if they needed it. Although you may not realize it I am sure you have helped many and changed many of lives for the better - and I'm sure some of those who you have helped don't even realize it.

    There is no doubt in my mind that if one of those situations you talk about ever did come up, you would be the person I would want there! And remember there is the very strong possibility that just your presence in doing what you do may have actually prevented one or more of those situations from ever occurring.

    Though you may never see your name in the newspaper, I'm sure when the time comes that you leave us there will be many who will have prospered because of you - whether they know it or not!
    • 9 posts
    September 16, 2011 10:32 AM PDT
    Oh Dragon. Anyone here, who's had the pleasure of talking to you and getting to know you, has no doubt what-so-ever, how any of those scenario's would turn out. Now, I realize, I've only "known" you for a little under a year. But I pay attention to what people write. It's a window into their souls. You have a heart, big as all get out, but I also know, you would sooner die, than let someone else get hurt, if you could prevent it. And God knows that too, Kenny. And believe me, HE is with you, and does have your back. It's inherent in all of us to question our abilities at some point in our lives. To wonder if we'll come thru, when the goin' gets tough. But, I'd bank, that you're a survivor. And instinct will take over when the adrenaline starts to flow.
    In this day and time, with this economy and with joblessness and homelessness becoming more and more prevalent, it's no wonder you're worried about any of this becoming an actuality.
    But I for one, have all the confidence in the world in ya, man. And let me mirror what Lucky said, "Your the person I would want there"!!! And just one more thing...you're already a hero to me, for doing what you do. K???
    Ride Free
    Tweek
    • 601 posts
    September 16, 2011 10:47 AM PDT
     What I fear most in my life before it’s over is that I never made my mark in life, or never had anything important to say that may have changed one’s life for the better.


    I believe you done some time in Vietnam as a foot slogger.... there are 58,000 names on a stone in Washington who never came home...you did...thats mark enough for any man, Dragon, and if you survived that shit, what you have to say is important
    • 580 posts
    September 16, 2011 11:29 AM PDT
    Right on Rory - and I say you HAVE already made your mark Dragon. Not only out there in the big bad world but also with us guys. We've had our little spat in the past but I have absolutely no doubt that you would do whatever needed to be done in the blink of an eye. Lets just hope that it isn't necessary but never doubt that you're the guy that most of us would like to have beside us when the chips are down

    Hugs
    • Moderator
    • 16870 posts
    September 16, 2011 4:50 PM PDT
    I have this quote with me at all times, when things get bad I read it:

    Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem.
    Ronald Reagan, President of the United States; 1985
    • 2 posts
    September 17, 2011 7:08 AM PDT
    Suspect most males play with these thoughts most of the time or at least the ones that are worth squat do.

    You ain't going to know for sure until you get there. - In the interim you study, you exercise & you train so that when the moment comes you are not standing there flat footed.

    "Lord Jim" is a really terrific book that deals with exactly this subject.
  • September 17, 2011 12:13 PM PDT
    Dragon my brother...well written from your heart, I'm gonna make this short n smart...You will NEVER choke. ya know how I know this?

    What you wrote is from the heart of a Warrior!   I too have these thoughts although I don't wear the badge anymore but I know I will NEVER choke cause I'm a Warrior as you are...By putting your thoughts/Fears in pen on a public forum is not only stand up but the sand of a TRUE hero...

    I would trust you with my life Brother....

    RandyJoe...Ride Strong...

  • September 17, 2011 3:07 PM PDT
    I agree with RandyJoe 100%. Kenny i get up put on my uniform every night go out and patrol and i ask the same questions you ask yourself. Thank God i have never had to take a life but i have been in many situations where i would have been justified using deadly force and more times than i care to remember that i question if i would have gotten to a call faster or done something different would the victim have lived. I dont think i will get these answeres in this life. I can say with confidence that i would share a shift/beat with you Kenny and never question that you would be there to protect and serve.
    • 1780 posts
    September 18, 2011 1:16 AM PDT
    I just want to thank all my family members that took the time to post there thoughts, and let me tell you I've read them each and every one more than once, and I can say I feel so much better about myself recitative to this issue. I especially like the part Tweek said about the Lord having my back. That made a special mark on me. I've had people ask me why I have Guardian Angel tattooed on my arm; I know now why I do.
  • September 18, 2011 1:24 AM PDT
    This is a great site to express yourself and look for some help with some of your problems. Some of the answers may not be what you want to hear but everyone has their own opinion on things . Great Site Folks WEBBY
    • 0 posts
    September 18, 2011 7:55 AM PDT
    Dragon old mate when the shit hits the fan blokes like you know where to stand and what to do immediately..You wanna know why? Its called bloody instinct mate..Some people walk around blindly and get covered in shit others know step aside and hit back after the shit settles...Aint no shit on you old mate..Most blokes doubt themselves from time to time..Have a whiskey light a cigar and sit back in confidence knowing that you'll be cool in the shitty moments mate..CHEERS BOOF
    • 1780 posts
  • October 15, 2011 8:46 AM PDT
    I'd like to be apart of your world of advice again...some reason you never listen to me!
    • 9 posts
    October 15, 2011 8:56 AM PDT

    angeleyes wrote...

    I'd like to be apart of your world of advice again...some reason you never listen to me!

     

    angeleyes,
    Yours is not the only man who has ceased to take "our" advice.   LOL!
    Hang in there.  It may seem like "they" don't listen, but deep down, they still do...
    Ride Free
    Tweek
  • October 15, 2011 9:21 AM PDT
    angeleyes wrote...
    I'd like to be apart of your world of advice again...some reason you never listen to me!

    I bet he does listen to you fromhis heart angeleyes....
    RandyJoe...Ride Strong...