What would make a person do this

    • 1780 posts
    May 1, 2011 9:21 AM PDT
    Sorry gang I know I'm so busy I don't get a chance to join you guys as much as I would like to, and this post is kind of a bummer, but I'm so bumbed out I kind of need some widsom from my family, or maybe a bunch of sholders to cry on.........
    This friend of mind I worked with a couple of years ago at a different Security Company.......came home the other night and found his wife in the arms of another man........without saying a word he put on his uniform, went out into the back yard and put a 40 cal in his head.
    Why do we has humans do this to each other? I'm at a lost for words, and widsom. I need someone that has had experience to answer my question.

    Sorry about the subject matter

    The Night Dragon
    • 9 posts
    May 1, 2011 11:08 AM PDT
    This is a tragedy of the first order. I went on craigslist the other day, and under the "rants and raves", cheating was the subject. Why do we do this to each other? That is the million dollar question. Good luck finding an answer. What is more tragic, is the aftermath. Your friend, God rest his soul, obviously loved his wife, and was hurt beyond repair. My ex (God rest his soul, even tho he cheated), said that he never "intended" his indiscretion, to become his new girlfriend. When I confronted him with proof, he tried to make me sound crazy, rather than admit to what he'd done. I left him, and divorced him over it. 10 years later, he was still begging me to take him back, which I never could. He became a drunk/drug addict, and it eventually killed him. Why? I wish I knew. She was an addict also, so maybe, that's where it started, who knows. I forgave him, in time. I just never could forget. The problem is, I'm left with residual trust issues now. I hate what all of that did to me. Collateral damage is something that comes from this one selfish act (the cheating).  And what form it takes, no one can predict.
  • May 1, 2011 12:40 PM PDT
    Agree with Tweek...definately a tragedy. One that his widow will have to live with. Been in that situation, and what I can't figure is that if either party thinks the grass is greener with someone else, at least have the respect for the other party and say so. Why do people have to sneak around..cause they know they are gonna get caught. Don't know dragon. I think you have asked a question that there never will be a "right" answer to. All we can do is try to understand. Deeply sorry for the loss (and action) of your friend.
    • 2072 posts
    May 1, 2011 1:24 PM PDT
    Kenny...... So sorry for your loss Bro. Don't have any "Words of wisdom" or even any that will take the pain away. You have experienced something that none of us every wants to go through..... All I can offer is my thoughts and prayers for you and all those affected..........
  • May 1, 2011 2:08 PM PDT
    Sorry for your loss Kenny. After 30+ years working in Emergency Services and responding to this type of ending I have only seen one note of explaination. Few people see how far and deep it is felt and by how many. Family and friends will question the motive or level of pain that that person was feeling.
    Keep the good times shared with those who have passed and forgive them for their time of dispair.
    • 114 posts
    May 1, 2011 2:09 PM PDT
    Wish I could make it all better for you Kenny; especially for your friend. Some folks just can't reach out to others, they internalize it. Others are so hurt and take the cheating to mean that they weren't good enough, rich enough, etc, etc. Usually the kindest, most tenderhearted folks feel the most shame. Kenny, we all wish we had an answer for you, but the truth is .... we don't. All we can do is be there for you, and the others who try to make sense of it. Please know that you and all involved are in my prayers. God bless.....
    • Moderator
    • 16870 posts
    May 1, 2011 2:46 PM PDT
    Over the years I've known or heard of guys either killing themselves or someone else over the actions of a woman.
    Never have I seen where anybody ever came out ahead over doing either.
    The exception being defending one's self against an armed woman attempting harm.
    • 3006 posts
    May 1, 2011 5:20 PM PDT
    My condolences on the loss of your friend,its sad that so many end their lives in such a manner.Lost a friend also like that,and all of us end up wondering what we may have done different or tried to,if we had known the pain they were going thru.Its best to reach out to others when a person is depressed,or hurt emotionally its the best way to find solace in a crazy world.
    • 601 posts
    May 1, 2011 11:37 PM PDT
    Hey Dragon, long time no hear from !! Lost 3 good friend in the last 2 years thru similar circumstances, not easy bud. Heres something that helped a son of one of the guys, its from one of Irelands most popular songwriters.... stay safe mo chara

    Nobody Knows (Paul Brady)

    Johnny’s got high expectations
    He’s gonna rise
    Everyone knows that Johnny is ready
    He’s ready to fly
    Up on the rooftop he turns to the crowd
    No one is waiting
    No one is there

    Chorus

    Nobody knows why Elvis threw it all away
    Nobody knows what Ruby had to hide
    Nobody knows why some of us get broken hearts
    And some of us find a world that’s clear and bright
    You could be packed up and ready
    Knowing exactly where to go
    How come you miss the connection?
    No use in asking…the answer is nobody knows
    No use in asking…the answer is nobody knows

    Johnny will keep his illusions
    What else can he do?
    And you can pretend that it would be different
    If it happened to you
    But up on the rooftop, it’s a whole other world
    And who could see heaven
    And not want to stay?


    • Moderator
    • 19067 posts
    May 2, 2011 12:09 AM PDT
    Condolences for the loss of a close friend for you and his family. If there were an answer to what you ask it would be... Well, I guess that is why there is no answer. Similar circumstances and different people have varied results. Sadly the ones left with the pain are the ones closest.
  • May 2, 2011 1:30 AM PDT
    Only those that choose to take their own lives have all the answers, the rest of us are left to have questions about how or what we could have done to help a friend in their time of desperation. Time allows the heart to mend but the mind never will.
    • 1780 posts
    May 2, 2011 9:11 AM PDT
    Thanks to everyone that provided their imput......it all made a difference in how I feel.
    I know I could always count on my Biker Family.
    Love you guys......alright not like that Boof.
    Night Dragon
    • 1780 posts
    May 2, 2011 9:16 AM PDT
    Thanks again to my Family for helping me through this tragic time.
    If you ever seen this on a Police / Security Officer please tell them how sorry you are for their loss.........it sure helped me.
    The Dragon
    • 1780 posts
    May 2, 2011 9:24 AM PDT
    rory1 wrote...
    Hey Dragon, long time no hear from !! Lost 3 good friend in the last 2 years thru similar circumstances, not easy bud. Heres something that helped a son of one of the guys, its from one of Irelands most popular songwriters.... stay safe mo chara

    Nobody Knows (Paul Brady)

    Johnny’s got high expectations
    He’s gonna rise
    Everyone knows that Johnny is ready
    He’s ready to fly
    Up on the rooftop he turns to the crowd
    No one is waiting
    No one is there

    Chorus

    Nobody knows why Elvis threw it all away
    Nobody knows what Ruby had to hide
    Nobody knows why some of us get broken hearts
    And some of us find a world that’s clear and bright
    You could be packed up and ready
    Knowing exactly where to go
    How come you miss the connection?
    No use in asking…the answer is nobody knows
    No use in asking…the answer is nobody knows

    Johnny will keep his illusions
    What else can he do?
    And you can pretend that it would be different
    If it happened to you
    But up on the rooftop, it’s a whole other world
    And who could see heaven
    And not want to stay?


     



    Rory man I loved that song.....so peaceful it almost put me to sleep...........and the 4 glasses of wine I've had..........Oh shit I have to go to work now.
    Thanks again Mate..I appreaciated it.
    Dragon
  • May 3, 2011 1:02 AM PDT
    So sorry for your loss dragon i have been a cop for 16 years and have seen these tragic events with my own eyes and had to make many death notifications to family members and there are no words to take the pain away. Just know you your friend and family are in my prayers
    • 1780 posts
    May 3, 2011 9:51 AM PDT
    percy wrote...
    So sorry for your loss dragon i have been a cop for 16 years and have seen these tragic events with my own eyes and had to make many death notifications to family members and there are no words to take the pain away. Just know you your friend and family are in my prayers


    Thank you Sir....appreciate it
    Dragon
    • 0 posts
    May 3, 2011 1:08 PM PDT
    Mate I went through a very similar thing last year and its harder than grade 10 maths for me to work out why my mate did it..All I know is it wasnt through anything I didnt do or say..We all tried to get his head right but he had his mind made up.Shit mate I know how ya feel.His darlin little missus rang me before she rang the ambulance or the cops and that was one of the toughest moments in my whole bullet riddled drunken life,The only thing you can really do is be a bloody true mate and watch over his people who are left behind..Oh yeah I know what you bloody mean mate no bloody soppy man love shit please ...CHEERS MATE