February 22, 2010 2:03 AM PST
Don't follow in my footsteps-I think I stepped in something!
February 22, 2010 3:53 AM PST
To all my ex's (in Kansas not Texas) : Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
February 22, 2010 4:06 AM PST
You wouldnt know crazy if Charles Manson was eating Fruit Loops on your front porch.....
-Mike Muir
February 22, 2010 4:34 AM PST
whether the rock hits the pitcher, or the pitcher hits the rock, it's still going to be bad for the pitcher. Pancho
February 22, 2010 6:57 AM PST
Grab a hold of reality and CHOKE it to death!! is my fave, but the other is: A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a great friend will be sitting next to you saying " D*** that was fun!"
February 22, 2010 10:15 AM PST
If at first you don't succeed get a bigger hammer!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sears Automotive training manual!
February 22, 2010 12:56 PM PST
"If you screw up tell me about it as soon as you know about it. - We will work it out together. - Lie to me & I will fire you before the end of the day"
Me to all new hires
February 22, 2010 1:10 PM PST
"That's gonna cost extra, GI" - A nice young lady in an establishment in Thailand
February 22, 2010 1:22 PM PST
"if you can read this, the bitch fell off" t-shirt bought right after the divorce went final!
February 22, 2010 2:22 PM PST
I have the Pu--y, I make the rules..a helmet sticker..
February 22, 2010 7:32 PM PST
"A bird in the hand is good for some, but I'd rather have the bush". - Chuck Barris
February 22, 2010 8:04 PM PST
Here kitty kitty kitty.
ALF
February 22, 2010 11:49 PM PST
Now get those wagons in a circle ...lest you want to be wearing arrow shirts.
John Wayne
Dragon
February 23, 2010 12:09 AM PST
If you are going to really use them, then your gonna break a few. Craftsman toolman
February 23, 2010 12:48 AM PST
Often imitated never duplicated
February 23, 2010 1:12 AM PST
My father told me when i was young "You must remember (3) things in life 1)eat slowley, savor the flavor.2)take your time in the bathroom, and a paper.3)Spend alot of time with your woman.In other words slow down life runs along so fast it's over before you know it."He past away last year and i think he lived his life that way.
February 23, 2010 1:38 AM PST
Take no sh*t, make no excuses.
Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.
Kind man give his wife grand piano, wise man give her upright organ.
Elevator smell different to midget.
Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!
February 23, 2010 9:50 AM PST
People who think they know everything, really bother those of us that do!
February 23, 2010 10:38 AM PST
who said playing with your food is not fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
here kitty kitty kitty.
ALF