June 18, 2011 5:03 AM PDT
1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD
THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2 TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT- USE
THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW
MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM
ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
June 18, 2011 5:29 AM PDT
Very good RevBigJohn!
June 18, 2011 7:45 AM PDT
lol Great one.. that was a good laugh
June 18, 2011 9:03 AM PDT
ROTFLMFAO!!! (And that's "freakin") Not that I don't cuss once in while, but I'm trying not to! Anyways, John, you have just made my day.....
June 18, 2011 3:51 PM PDT
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I have been known to curse also, I just keep God's name out of it.
June 18, 2011 5:10 PM PDT
Funny stuff - I needed a laugh after banging my knuckles all day just to find they don't have the part I need to put the bike back together. I even made up a few new cuss words
Thanks John!
June 19, 2011 2:13 AM PDT
Good post John, especially the toilet seat...
June 20, 2011 12:00 AM PDT
With 2 sisters & 1 bathroom just had to remember to take the dishes out of the sink first if you didn't have time to make it to the flower garden
June 20, 2011 4:06 AM PDT
I solved our bathroom problem.
When we put up the new house, two full bathrooms, and a toilet in the garage. :-)
Excellent. 2 Tools - I've always said that they were Vaseline and Vise Grips. Pretty much fix anything.
LOL!
I've got tears from laughing so hard.
