Dear God, it's me... the dog!

    • 202 posts
    May 11, 2011 9:36 AM PDT
    OK, these aren't exactly motorcycle humor, but i thought they were kinda cute!

    Dear God:  We dogs can understand verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers.  We can scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields.  What do humans understand?

    Dear God:  Are there mailmen in heaven?  If there are, will i have to apologize?

    Dear God:  When i get to heaven, can i have my testicles back?
    • 5420 posts
    May 11, 2011 9:43 AM PDT
    PS God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog so I can get to Heaven...
     
    1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
    2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
    3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
    4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
    5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
    6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
    7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
    8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .
    9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
    10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
    11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
    12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
    • 0 posts
    May 11, 2011 10:04 AM PDT
    8 and 12 gotta giggle around here mate
    • Moderator
    • 19067 posts
    May 11, 2011 10:49 AM PDT
    Dogs, the creators best design.
    • 567 posts
    May 11, 2011 11:24 AM PDT
    I guess the dog forgot the one about drinking outta the toilet bowl.
  • May 11, 2011 1:54 PM PDT
    You're only a dog, old fellow; a dog, and you've had your day; But never a friend of all my friends has been truer than you always.
    - Julian S. Cutler
    • 844 posts
    May 11, 2011 3:13 PM PDT
    Oh, if only dogs COULD talk, they were surely have a lot to say about how stupid people look to them.
    • Moderator
    • 1516 posts
    May 11, 2011 3:58 PM PDT
    Yes it is a really good thing dogs can't talk... they would have way to many secrets to tell on us
    • 202 posts
    June 20, 2011 11:45 PM PDT
    http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150312446230167&oid=106544632715272&comments />
    don't know if you can open this, but it is pretty cool!