April 17, 2011 10:22 AM PDT
. . ....my favorite. ...or best. ....."funny story"..happened many, many moons ago. ...and although I,ll not tell it. ...I will exploit the oppurtunity to offer up a..defense..anyway..
. ....all I,ll say is..I was young...and my priorities were a bit...one track minded..
. ...I will give up this little ditty though. ......my ol man had been in the wind since I was 8 years old...he introduced me to my now lifes passion and rode to the ripe old age of 72, with a MC Club by the name of...The Road Riders....right around 72 dementia began to slowly over take him, and he began to blow through red lights. He came to my mother one day....tears in his eyes...and announced that he was selling his beloved Gold Wing...as he could no longer enjoy the one thing that he solely lived for. My mother told him to just park it in the garage, and he could back it out into the drive on sunny days and polish it.
He did park it...permanently....but that garage door would remain shut for the rest of his life, which would only span another year, and he would spend that year, sitting in the drive way in a lawn chair...glaring out at the world that now passed him by.
He died a year later and my mother came to me with a question....what should she do with my fathers motorcycle ? Now as I said, he was 73 years old, and he had a habit of taking very good care of his "things"...especially that bike. So I thought for a second before replying..."sell it"....its in pristine condition, and Im sure you could get a nice chunk of change for it. She thought for a moment...my mother was very wise and usually methodical....and she said.....yeah...I could do that....or....I could give it to you. Now I cant recall just what it was I was doing at that precise moment, but I can guarantee that what ever it was....I stopped dead in my tracks and pondered her response.
You see...I was in a very nice accident with my previous bike some years before. A young Iranian boy who had his driving permit for an entire week, was out with his older brother who was giving him...driving lessons. I was comming home from a friends, and was traveling in the opposite direction when I came up to a red light that they were sitting at. The young man was attempting to make a left hand turn...now...I emphasize that fact because...anyone who has ridden for any length of time knows just how dangerous the old...left hand turn can be, I might even go as far as to say that many an exerienced rider was violently dispatched from this world by some cager making...a left hand turn. So there he sat as I came over the hill, blinker on, his front left tire sticking out just enough that my spidey sense immediately began to go off and I locked eyes with him to see where his mind was at that moment...and did he see me ?
To my relief we locked eyes...he was looking dead at me ...so I didnt bother to slow down (bad mistake)..and proceeded up to the light, and as I was just about to enter....his brother told him to turn. Now...I considered myself a pretty good rider...and being young, never gave it much thought ...just what I would do if such a dilemma like this ever came up. So I hit the rear brake HARD...which caused the rear end to immediately begin to come around....you have to remember this all happened in a split second. As the rear came around he realized what he had just put into motion...panicked..and slammed on the brakes...effectivly blocking both lanes right infront of me...my eyes locked onto the front end of the late model 70,s Pinto Stationwagon and I truly believed...this was the last thing I was ever going to see in life...a mere second later I SLAMMED into him almost head on, the impact shot me off the bike and clean over his car. I was actually in the air long enough to think...how am I going to land...and hurt myself the least ? I decided to tuck my left shoulder under...land on it...and try and roll over. To my amazement...thats exactly what happened...I slammed into the road....rolled over once...and stood up ! I was amazed...I was not only not dead...but I was standing relativly unscathed. Except now my left shoulder was now numb and beginning to slowly throb. I knew instinctivly that it was broke. In a daze I stood there for a moment taking it all in. The kids older brother came rushing over to me, appologizing profusely, and try to pull my full face helmt off. I slapped him away and uttered something that I thought was fitting for someone who had almost just killed me, and I stumbled over to the curb and sat my ass down.
Now...I did survive the dreaded....left hand turn...and in retrospect Id even go as far as to say I was damn lucky I only broke my collar bone. The reason I bought this tale into the story is...that day I truly believed God was talking to me...and he was saying something like....David...stay the hell off of those damn motorcycles if you want to go on living ! And so I did...for a few years anyway, but eventually...slowly..I began to hear those crotch rockets winding out down the road and off into the cool summer night and a strange thing began to happen...my throttle hand began to twitch. Slowly at first...but it did get worse and worse...and I knew...yeah I knew...that it was my destiny to get back in the wind. And then came that day that I wandered over to my moms house for a visit and she uttered those words. You see I truly believe that ...moms know....moms do know....especially their sons....and I guess the fact that I was a young ..wild ..out of control young man didnt hurt all that much. So she offers this pristine Gold Wing to me...and at the time Im wanting a bike...bad...but being young...Im pretty much broke. So I let her words echo in my head for a moment...a very short moment..before i said...Yeahhhhh... I guess you could do that ! Good...she said...so its settled...here are the keys...and for Gods David...BE CAREFUL !!!!
And so, there I was...the proud owner of this HUGE friggin land yacht. I remember throwing a leg...starting her up...and easing her down the drive and into the street. Like I said...I hadnt been on a bike in a few years...and here I was riding this friggin land yacht around. I remember I wore the brakes out the very first summer, because everytime I had to stop I slammed them on thinking...I gotta stop this big thing ! But little by little, I guess you can say...I got used to it...but I never really liked it. To me it wasnt a motorcycle at all, but some huge monstrosity made of plastic that had everything but the kitchen sink ! I mean...cruise control (never used it)...cb radio.....uhh yeah right..(never used it)....on board air compressor that you could adjust your shocks for...load control ?...Hold friggin Shiiiiii.....(never used it)...."reverse" ?!?!?. ...I did use this...after about 3 years...came home from the beach one day I was dog tired and my drive was on a hill and I liked to back this Buick on two wheels in backwards...so I could just open the garage and ride out. So I got the manual out and read up on..."Using the Reverse Gear"...and yanno what ?..on a bike THAT big....reverse gear is a God Send !
...Now...onto the ..."funny story"....After about two years I finally felt that I "was" in control of that beast...and it didnt have control of me, I decided one hot summer night to go to my favorite bar and get a cheeseburger out on the deck and check out the female populace. Now ya hafta understand that trying to look "cool" on a giant land yacht like a Gold Wing is alot of work, but none the less...being a jersey boy I knew I had a "code" to live up to. So I pulled into the parkinglot and spied a sweet parking space right up in front of this giant bay window. So I slowly navigated the Wing into this spot...the entire time keeping watch out of the corner of my eye as to who was watching. There were these two guys with their women sittting at the table looking out the bay window and onto the parkinglot....I eased her in all nice like...and doing my best to be casual...yet cool...dismounted the bike and let go....the Wing immediately pitched in the other direction and like a big ol red wood and slowly began a to fall. Apparently...I had forgotten to put the kick stand down. Now these babies AINT light...I immediately grabbed at the handlebars but it was too late....gravity kicked in and as I strained with all my might to hold this giant behemoth upright...I twisted the throttle....and since I hadnt turned her off yet....she let out a LOUD scream as me and the WIng slowly fell over in a heap in the parkinglot. The folks that were sitting there were still munching their cheeseburgers the entire time...and as I went down I saw these ...two chewing faces...peer up and over the window sill to watch me fall.
...Now I dont think its too easy to lift up ANY bike...after its down on the pavement...and GW,s in particular. And as I sat there straining and doing my best to lift this thing back up....I remembered a conversation I had with some guy down the shore earlier in the year, and how he told me "the secret" to lifitng a Wing ...by yourself. Now in the mean time do you think one of these SOB,s would put their burger dodwn..come out...and help me get this thing back up ?....no friggin way. So I turned around...bent down at the knees...got the handlebar in my right hand...passenger side grip in my left...and straightened back up....and yanno what ?....that baby came right back up ! So I quickly turned around and made sure I didnt dump it in...the opposite direction..put that ol kickstand down, and got my composure back as best I could....and instead of waking in the front and through the bar to the back deck...decided to walk around the side parkinglot and up to the bar...acting like....everything was...everything..
