NICKNAMES  · If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. · If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT  · When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. · When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY  · A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. · A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS  · A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .. · The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS  · A woman has the last word in any argument. · Anything a man says after that, is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE  · A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. · A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS  · A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. · A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE  · A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. · A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP  · A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. · A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL · Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. · Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING  · Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. · A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house! THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!   |
[fingers crossed behind back]